Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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