Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
