u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
