wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
