Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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