Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
