Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize