i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
