he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
