I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
