you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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