Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
