they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
