it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
