tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
