Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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