he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize