Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
