I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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