first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
