you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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