my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
