like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
