I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
