good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
