why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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