i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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