youre lurking in front of me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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