I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
