i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
