Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
