So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
