so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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