For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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