You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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