i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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