I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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