separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
