dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
