I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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