you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
