he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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