On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize