You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have post one night stand depression
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
