I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize