I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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