Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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