just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
