Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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