Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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