Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
