it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
