i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
