I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
