I am midnight drunk by noon
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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