The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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