party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
