fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
