So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
