Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
