i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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