Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
