I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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