His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
