So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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