She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
