Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
