Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize