Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
