I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
