Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize