I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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