i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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