You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize